To everyone that is interested in me here is a idea that I came up with to let people understand me. When I tell others how I feel I try to get the emotion that is me in there but for some reason I can not do it I was in my car today listening to music and sounds around me and it hit me so if anyone is interested and want to play a little game to get in my head fallow along trust me it is not all that bad. With what I am trying to accomplish am hoping you will feel sad, happy, confused, frustrated, and energized etc. I am hoping that this will be a success but who knows so lets began.

As i go along you will need to download music with what ever you use to get your music before you go on you will need to listen to the song To start I you need to get in the mood so right now I am excited:

Mortal Kombat theme song or Eye of The Tiger Rockie theme song

Remember finnish song(s) before moving on.

Think about how this song(s) makes you feel. For me it gets me pumped up I feel good I feel like I could lift a house. It is a good feeling to feel like this. It gives you energy for those of us that want to losses weight it makes you want to get off the couch and go for a walk, or go lift weights I love that feeling I wish I could feel like that all the time if I did I would be skinny and buff.

I wish excitement was all I could feel many of my friends know that I had a very dear friend die when I was in high school I guess that is one of many reasons I am the way that I am. He was everything to me when I was sad he cheered me up. He saw something in me that many people didn't. I lost a friend to suicide for many years I didn't believe that he would be the kind of person to kill themselfs. I got angry how could he leave me like that why didn't he tell me there was something wrong. This next song is how I felt the day he died:

I don't sleep very much I usually stay awake to the point I can't keep my eyes open anymore. The main reason is because I dream. The bad thing is that they are not bad dreams they are very good dreams. I know what you are thinking, because I feel the same way the song for that is:

Unwell Matchbox20

The dreams I have make me not want to wake up. One I really hate is when I have a perfect life, kids, wife that loves me, good job, and a nice house. Good dream right everything that a person wants right. When I dream I am totally into it I don't know that I am dreaming. My life is great I couldn't be happier. Now I wake up and loss everything my heart desires, your life your love your children:

It sucks but life goes on I realize it is only a dream but it doesn’t make things any better.

I am not always depresses I am a very happy person I just recently went to Tenn. while there I seen a friend I hadn’t seen in years WOW the feelings I feel there where very intense When I seen her my friend I felt like nothing in the world was wrong. Seeing her gave me strength to be a better person. This is her song:

Dixie Chicks Good By Earl

While there she took me and a friend to some of the most beautiful places I have ever been it was like incredible here is the song for that:

Heaven Is a Place On Earth

I also felt another thing there something that I haven’t felt since I lived in Colorado I felt like I was home. It is a terrible feeling not knowing where you belong. don’t get me wrong I love where I am but it is a empty feeling. I am looking for somewhere I feel happy. A friend told me that I need a major change in my life to get it back on track:

It is great how a song has so much power. It has the ability to make you feel good, or to the point that you want to get in your car and drive 90 mph into a tree. Here are a few songs to give you power and depression:

Power:

Depression:

Music has played a big part in my life. Because of music I am able to help keep my sanity because of it I am able to feel what I want when I need to. Right now in my life I am going through a lot of stuff. Memories of the past are coming back.

A lot of people know that I can not have children but I really don’t think that a lot of people realize how much finding out that I can not have kids really affected me. It was the worst feeling I have ever felt. It was as if a large part of me was lost. For this I have Two songs:

A lot of people may think that I am a very depressed person and you know what you are right. I am a unhappy person, but at the same time I am very happy to. I have seen and done most things that many people will never see or do. I am not afraid to be sad or happy. I was asked once who am I. Can anyone really answer that question? There is so much about me that I don’t know I may live to be 100 years old and still not be able to answer that question. I tink the best way to Finnish this is to let you all listen to some music. Please stay with the spirit of this and listen to the music the way I wrote them down and don’t just listen feel the music. I hope everyone had a good time.

Big Blue Note- Toby Keith

Miss Me Baby- Chris Cagle

Hips Don’t Lie- Shakera

Big Bad John-Johnny Horton

You Look Beautiful Tonight- Eric Clapton

I’ll be There For you- Bonjovi

Tonight I Want To Cry-Keith Urban

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was thinking the other night. I am 29 years old since I was old enough to like girls I have asked myself WHAT DO WOMEN WANT in a man . I may be wrong but hey I might be right I like romance movies Hitch with Will Smith and my counselor is what really got me to think about this blog. I asked her a few days ago what I was doing wrong when it came to women. It is good talking to a women about women. I mean who really knows them then themselves. I always attract the wrong kind of woman like they say in the movie the New Guy (The girls you want you cant get, and the girls you get you don't want).So I guess I got to thinking what am I doing wrong, not just wrong what can I do to stop this Crazy cycle of meeting a girl and them leaving me or cheating on me or me not wanting to be with them? I know what you are thinking not wanting to be with them. Why would you even go on a date with them? Well how else would you get to know them if you don't hang out with them. I thought it may be because I am over weight. I was wrong I do believe the way one looks does have something to with finding that special someone, but not allot. There has to be something that catches the others attention whether it is a joke , a smile, a smell, or even what they look like. Whatever the reason.

When it comes to women I suck. I could have Drew Barrymore hitting on me and I wouldn't even realize it. I would just brush it off as her being nice to me. My friends would come up to me and have to tell them that she likes me. Once I met this girl on the internet I had met her once before through a friend ,but chance would have it I ran into her on the net. We were talking on the net for a few days then she wanted me to come see here for well lets just say a game of chess "wink wink" I went up there and we drove around for hours talking we even stopped to get nachos after a while she said she was getting tired and wanted to go home now and have well play chess. I know why I was to go down there, but I was to shy to say lets go play chess. well to make a long story short we went back to her place and played chess.

It is strange because with anything else I am a rock. My last job I had to stand and train new people that I have never met. I had to go on buisness trips all the time and had to present my self to some very important people, and in all these situations I handled my self with flying colors. I feel I can be put in any situation whether it be a fight at the bar, meeting parents, presenting my self to the board of directors for a major credit card company and tell them why my company should be the one to advertise there product, but when it comes to woman I turn into a scared little boy. I know what everyone is going to say because I hear it all the time BALL UP.

I got to thinking what do women want so I told a friend of mine about all this. We came up with an idea. He is a fairly good looking guy and he is not shy at all. in other words he is what I am not. So this got us to thinking how could we find out that age old question that has been stumping men. We got on the internet looking through personals on the web. Trying to find out what the other sex looked for. Out of 3000 profiles we found that these ladies wanted:

THE RESULTS ARE AS FOLLOWED

2706 there main thing is honesty

2302 sense of humor

2097 confidence

1804 good heart

1322 family values

994 like animals

774 likes kids

423 signs ( when they were born)

387 know that they want out of there life

120 looks

I thought that there would be allot more girls that were into looks. I had to ask myself are these girls telling the truth. Do girls really not care what a guy looks like. Do they really want these things that they say in there profiles.

You try you fell you try you fell, but the only failure is when you quit trying. To everyone I am sorry I haven't been here to write in a while I have been busy with yes a new girl. A friend set me up on a blind date, and you know what. She is crazy I have been seeing her for a week and she has already told me that she loves me. I think that I am making here mad because I haven't told her that I love her back. What the heck I mean I just met her and she is saying thinks like that. I think that I better run from her QUICK. So what do you all think? What should I do? I don't want to hurt her but this really isn't what I am after. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

I woke up with this idea. it is strange what kind of things that you think of when you wake up in the morning. Not when you are all the way awake. What ever it is that wakes you up it may be the alarm clock, your spouse, the sun shining on your face, or in my case my dogs jumping on my balls trying to wake me up to go out side. What ever it is there is a little moment that you are struggling to grab that last little bit of a dream that you are not ready to give up. The dream that I was not ready to give up was about my first KISS. I remember everything about my first kiss. I am not sure what it was that made me dream about my first kiss. From a WOMEN just kidding. But what ever it was I was not ready to give it up. I remember her name was Connie she had long red hair. Her hand had a bandage on it from her cat that scratched her the day before. Her breath smelled and tasted like spearmint. She always chewed spearmint gum, but that wasn't the big things that I remembered. The main thing I remembered was how soft her lips felt, and how she touched the side of my face as she kissed me. How she made me feel like I was the only one in the world that mattered. Then she said good night and went in her house. My heart was pounding so fast that I felt like I could lift a car. I couldn't wait to get another and another. At that moment I know i was hooked, and like they say on 50 first dates NOTHING BEATS A FIRST KISS. I lost her because of a very stupid thing that I did. To this day I regret letting her go out of my life. If I had one regret about my youth that would be it. Since her I have had allot of other kisses and I have fallen in love a few times, and with all of them that first kiss is the greatest part of any relationship. But none of then first kisses have came close to that first one.

First Kiss

by Brandon J Rodriguez

I stair into your beautiful blue eyes,
I can feel the blood rushing throughout my body.
And as I brush the hair out of your face,
I slide my hand down your soft slender cheek,
as my skin touches yours, our hearts beat faster.

As you run your hands through my hair
I lean towards you,
I breathe you in.
And when our eyes close, our lips meet.

Our kiss is soft and wet,
smooth and warm,
sensuous and passionate.

The kiss hits our whole bodies like a tidal wave.
We both feel all of our emotion at once,
it's a feeling words can't describe.
As we pull away, you look into my eyes
and I look into yours,
we smile realizing that was our first kiss,

And it wasn't going to be our last.

I would like to thank everyone that has responded, and all my new friends. Thanks you are all GREAT!!!!